Spring fever...

sweet bay magonolia bloom, canon digital rebel xti

I admit I have terrible spring fever. Everything is in bloom here in Columbus, Ohio despite the fact that it snowed yesterday morning! I am heading out of town tomorrow with some work girl pals to sunny San Diego and then off to La Mission, Mexico. I am looking forward to just relaxing on the beach for a few days... no workouts, no knitting, no work, no email, no nothing!

I don't have a sister so these trips are great for me. I will have three surrogate sisters for the trip. Sometimes you just need to cry, purge, and laugh until it hurts. I am sure I will be doing both.

two steps forward, three steps back...

Michael Angelo steps, Florence, Italy, canon digital rebel xti

I have been really struggling lately... I feel like just as I move forward something happens and I fall down the steps. I am battling excruciating headaches again and I fear my lumbar shunt is not working any longer. I hate to think about going under the knife yet again. I just want to scream. I keep telling myself this too shall pass but even I am doubting whether I will ever get this illness under control for the long haul. I feel that it has ruined my life in so many ways. I have already lost so much... friendships, being a mother, relationships, promotions, lack of focus, and a general withdraw from others.

Recently I was reading Susannah's blog and her latest post resonated with me. It is hard for me to be around "normal" people. It's hard for me to connect with them when they are healthy, happy, etc. I see people having babies or in a phenomenal relationship with lots of love and although I am happy for them, I am very sad for me.

I just need to pull it together and get past this latest set back. I wish I could be "normal" again. I wish someone could put me back together and that I could be the person I once was so long ago.

My obsessions...

a fraction of my cookbook collection, canon digital rebel xti

I haven't posted in awhile due to my latest obsession, working out. I am one of those personalities that does nothing half ass. When I make up my mind, I am all in if you know what I mean. I don't like working out but I am sick of being fat and sluggish so for now I will press on. I never knew how much time you really had to put in when you are trying to lose a mere two pounds a week. I work out for 60 minutes twice a week with a trainer and then I do 3 - 4 hours of cardio on my own (YUCK)! It leaves me little time for the other obsessive fibers of my life (photography, cooking, knitting, designing jewelry, sewing rad curtains, eating, reading blogs, etc).

I also find as I get older that I collect and hoard weird items. Growing up I hated the way my grandma decorated. She had every prized collection displayed proudly throughout her house. We are talking glass clowns, gone with the wind plates, sound of music plates, norman rockwell plates, red glass, fenton glass, pink glass, blue glass, etc. I swore I was never going to be a collector.

Although I do not have any collections displayed anywhere in my house I do have large quantities of the following stashed away:

Retro Pyrex (Every color and pattern that exists)
Retro Tupperware (Avocado green, orange, yellow, and brown)
Playing Cards
Collecting cookbooks (Vintage and new)

All of the above started out by inheriting from family members and then it grew from there. I find myself stopping at an occasional garage sale in the summer looking for the rare piece I may not have. Every once in awhile I get lucky and it makes my day :-)

on the rocks...

camden rocks, canon digital rebel xti

Recently one of my dear friends called for some advice. She is going through a rocky time. I suggested that she get a copy of "Streams in the Desert" by L.B. Cowman. It is a daily devotional book that gives you a little lift everyday. When I was really at my sickest not caring if I lived or died, my Aunt gave this book to me. It did help snap me back into reality and helped give me something to hang on to. So many times I read a passage and had an aha moment. It was if the message was meant for me and only me to read.

I encourage anyone who reads this blog to pick up a copy or give a copy to someone you know going through a difficult ordeal.

I will part with a favorite quote by Stansifer
Do not get discouraged - it may be the last key on the ring that opens the door.

Looking out...

caitlin, lake diane, michigan, canon digital rebel xti

I love this picture of my niece, Caitlin. I took it this past summer at the lake. I am really missing that place right now.
What I love about young children is they have no fear or concerns about what's in store for them. They definately live in the present. I am going to try to keep this image in my mind over the next week and strive to "Be Here Now".

Don't you just love the little baby fat in her legs :-)

21...

my obsessive collection of playing cards, canon digital rebel xti

That is how long I have gone without sleep in the past 24 hours. I have been pulling some late nights at work so we can get a rather large SAP system implemented. As I drove home at 2 AM last night, I saw several cars on the road and I wondered what are all these people doing up at this insane hour let alone driving somewhere. Are they headed home after a night of drinking, to work or to the grocery store since that is the only store actually open at that hour?

I finally pull in the driveway, drop my things in the house and expect Denver to come greet me but he doesn't. He is curled up with my husband in our king size bed on my pillow drooling(Yuck)! My mind is still racing so I decide to watch mindless TV, read blogs and flip through the latest issue of People magazine only to find out Pam Anderson is getting divorced again (why am I not surprised?)

I finally go upstairs to retire for a few hours of sleep and Denver plays dead and shuts down his breathing. I can't move him and he seems to have added deafness to his bag of tricks. Frustrated, I go to the guest room and settle in for the rest of the morning. I watch every minute tick by on the alarm clock until it is 7 AM and force myself back to work. All day I felt like the college student who pulled an all nighter and had way too much to drink.

In the midst of my bad hair and sleep deprived day, two things brought a big smile to my face. First was my friend and fellow blogger, Darlene's post about big hair. I am pretty sure I can top her but my scanner is broken so I can't prove it. I especially found her sister Denise's comment which references her likeness to Amy Grant hilarious. I too had that cassette tape and remember thinking Amy Grant was beautiful, hair and all.

And last but not least... I have a blog banner created by the wonderful and talented Susannah. Isn't it lovely?