puppy love...

my friend ron and his bulldogs, canon digital rebel xti

I am so in love with my friend, Ron's puppies. He got two bulldogs after his other bulldog passed away a few months ago. He named them Winston and Churchill. They are the sweetest little guys. I wanted to hijack them but I don't think Denver would have appreciated it.

happy 91st...

my grandmother, pauline and her sister, Bernice, canon digital rebel xti

My grandma is 91. It's hard to believe. She has lost a lot of weight since I took this picture. She is actually so proud that she weighs less now than when she was in her 20's. In fact, she is careful about everything she eats because she doesn't want to weigh more than 120. I have her genes and now I have pretty much resigned myself to not seeing the 120s again until I am 90!

One more amazing tidbit is that my Grandma has an aunt who is 96 that is still living and in good health. She had a face lift at 95. Can you imagine still being able to call up your aunt when you are in your 90's?

absence...

my niece caitlin and her popsicles, canon digital rebel xti

fireworks, canon digital rebel xti

my brother ryan, my nephew griffin and sister-in-law, judy, canon digital rebel xti

I have been absent for awhile. I have not been feeling well and haven't felt like sharing much lately. It has been good to put my focus on others. I finally got my Etsy shop up and have two photographs for sale. I will continue to add other photographs this week. I spent some time at the lake recently. The above shots are from the holiday. I bought my nephew, Griffin a three man raft to ride behind the boat. We all felt like kids again riding that raft. We got bounced around like rag dolls but had lots of laughs.

where the buffalo roam...

baby buffalo, Fremont, Indiana, canon digital rebel xti

I went to the most amazing place this weekend near the cottage at the lake... A 400 acre buffalo preserve. It was truly spectacular to see these creatures roaming around in Southeastern Indiana in the middle of nowhere. Many babies were born over the last several weeks. You can see two of them in the photo above.
I got to spend lots of time with my Dad in spite of the fact that I am still very sick. I drug him to some garage sales and he found more stuff than I did. I picked up some additional retro pyrex dishes to add to my collection. I know I shouldn't buy anymore but I can't resist. It's like I can't just walk by a piece and not buy it especially for $.50.

a cold in 90 degree heat...

denver with his favorite pontoon and frisbee, Lake Diane, canon digital rebel xti

I have managed to come down with a horrible cold accompanied by the worst sore throat I have ever had in my life. I can thank one of two co-workers for this lovely gift.

I finally opened my Etsy store tonight. I only have the banner created thus far. I will have some items to share/sell next week. I will mostly be selling my photographs but may decide to throw in the latest jewelry or knitted creation.

I am headed to the lake tomorrow evening to spend some time with my family. I plan to do some strawberry picking while I am there. Too bad the strawberry season is so short :-)

hot weekend

grand canal, Venice, canon digital rebel xti

So it has been steamy the last couple of days in central Ohio. I hate humidity. Last night, Bryan finally got me to go to Perkins Observatory to go planet gazing. I got to see Saturn, the moon and a double star. I have to say it was pretty cool to see the rings around Saturn. Today, I went to an auction where I saw someone pay $2,000 for a signed first edition book. Needless to say, I was impressed when the buyer told me he was going to sell is for $5,000. Auctions are both good and bad... It makes me sad that after someone passes there life is on display and people go through their things like greedy vultures. But on the other hand you can really appreciate the life they lived and the things they were passionate about. This estate was full of books and paintings. This gentleman also loved to travel and spent a lot of time in Italy. He was especially found of Venice. I really dug that about him. It moved me so much that I had to buy two of his paintings of the Grand Canal.

trials...

rigel's windmill, canon digital rebel xti

Great faith must first endure great trials...

Over the past five years of my illness, I have read and re-read the above statement. I am still waiting for the great trial to end and the great faith to begin.

For now I can only live for the day and try not to think of the past or the future. When I catch myself thinking about the past, I get sucked into the black hole of depression and it usually takes me days to snap out of it.

I live for the pleasure of the little things... a day without a headache, a day for myself, seeing an old friend, scoring a great find, passing time where I forget I have an illness.

cosmo anyone?

smoking cosmo, lori's camera phone

My girlfriend and I saw Sex and The City last night or I should say very early this morning. I didn't get home until 3:30 AM. We had an awesome night. In honor of the movie, we had to have a Cosmo and the bartender even put some dry ice in it to give it some extra pizazz. It bubbled and smoked for a good 20 minutes. We couldn't stop watching the special effects. We had a leisurely dinner and then dessert and then coffee....... Finally the movie started and soon as they played the opening theme song, everyone was screaming their heads off. Yes, there were many men there in case you were wondering. Most looked like they were drug there by their significant other. I heard one gentlemen tell his wife, "You, so owe me for this one"! I bet she does...

catch up...

the lake cottage, canon digital rebel xti

I have not been feeling well the past week so I have not had the energy to post anything interesting. I thought I would catch you up on the past week. I finally finished the round trip sweater (it doesn't look as amazing as I thought it would). I went to the lake this weekend to spend some time with my mom. My dad was only able to join us one day (boo!). He farms 1200 acres with my uncle and it was planting time. Yes, I am a daddy's girl. I still managed to have a great time with my Mom. Lots of shopping, garage sales and the world's largest flea market. I was in three states in one day (Ohio, Michigan and Indiana). We spent all of our money on needless crap. We spent all of our petty cash and thought we may have to use our debit card at the toll booth on the drive home. Luckily, I shook my purse and some coins fell out :-). I have been taking a long break from working out because my body just can't take it. My joints and muscles feel like I am 90 years old thanks to my chronic illness that I loathe. And speaking of being old... my mom and I have this discussion over the weekend while at the flea market...

Me: Hey, Mom are you going to buy grandma a new outfit for her goose outside?
Mom: (Laughing)No, your grandpa hit the goose with the mower and the head fell off.
Me: What? Did she junk it?
Mom: No, she still has it outside and she changed it's clothes.
Me: Without a head?
Mom: Yep.
Me: Doesn't grandma think that is morbid? Is grandpa going to buy her a new one?
Mom: I don't know.
Me: Crap, I new I was going to regret not bringing my camera home

green enough...

the emerald grotto, amalfi coast, canon digital rebel xti

He would rather live anywhere but here
She grew up there and loves her family
He has no family ties and thinks that life would be better far way
She finds happiness in everyday things
He does not find happiness in much
She had a life defining experience
He can not understand this world
She has many friends and likes to do for others
He likes to keep to himself and enjoys personal solace
She longs for hugs and needs him to be present now
He does not pick up on her feelings
She wants to be a mom
He does not know if parenthood is in the cards
She lives in the moment
He believes that if he only had a different job, lived in a new state... the grass would be greener
She thinks the grass is green enough

the whole day just for me...

crackling fire, canon digital rebel xti

This weekend my husband went to Chicago for work so Denver and I were home alone. I decided to plan a very selfish day just for me. I slept in until 11 AM and then I had a nice leisurely lunch. I then decided that I desperately needed a new haircut and some highlights. I was feeling very spontaneous so I decided to risk a new salon. I was a walk in (something I swore never to do). They told me that John would be able to fit me right in. I thought to myself... is it a bad thing that someone could fit me right it? Did someone not show? Was it my lucky day? Did this guy suck at cutting hair?

When John appeared, the little voice inside my head was saying "Flee!", "Get the heck out of dodge!" I felt ill. John had to be the oldest male hairdresser I have ever seen. He also looked like he just rolled out of bed (like me) and that he had been out all night on a bender. I was extremely hesitant but the polite vein in me wouldn't allow me to lie and say that UM... I AM SORRY BUT I THINK I HAVE FOOD POISONING, I GOT TO RUN. LATER, DUDE!

I told John that I wanted a trim, highlights and bangs and kept my fingers crossed. Everything he did freaked me out from the way he kept checking my highlights under the dryer to the way he dried my hair. I was expecting to look in the mirror and see the Bride of Frankenstein but instead was pleasantly surprised by what I saw. I have to say this might be the best haircut I have ever had :-) Just goes to show you can't judge a book by its cover.

I topped off the day with a manicure/pedicure, chick flicks and a crackling fire. The best part is my husband wasn't here to make me feel guilty or see the bill!

round trip...

Noro Round Trip Sweater, canon digital rebel xti

I am almost finished with my Round Trip Sweater. I started this shrug type sweater almost two years ago when I first learned how to knit. I learned to knit from my wonderful friend, Andrea. This was the first project I started after many, many scarves. The problem with knitting is that there are so many projects that you want to do that you end up starting on multiple projects. Getting around to finishing any of them has been my challenge. I can't wait to be able to wear this in the fall. Another couple of days and I should be finished.

paradise...

bird of paradise, canon digital rebel xti

What is paradise? For me it encompasses the following:

Finding happiness, even if for only a moment
Traveling to new places
Laughter of friends, family and myself
Truly helping someone else in need
Eating something wonderful
Engrossing myself in a movie (in order to forget my reality)
Seeing life through the lens of a child
Knitting and cooking when I can sneak a few minutes
Being on the water
Having a family to lean on
Snuggling with my golden retriever
Faith in something bigger

Everyday is truly a gift, find a little "paradise" in your life today.

happy mother's day...

my family, canon digital rebel xti

I love you mom! I got the pleasure of spending this weekend with my family. It was a dual celebration... mother's day and my brother's graduation day for his MBA.

Thanks for all that you have done for me mom and our family. We wouldn't be who we are today without your guidance and love :-)

introducing pedro telluz...

A few months ago I received a brochure at church regarding Compassion International. It talked about children in need all over the world including the US. I decided what the heck, I would add this to all my other charitable endeavors and sign up. I marked that I would accept any child no matter the country or age. This week in the mail, I was informed that I would be sponsoring Pedro. Pedro is fourteen and from Bolivia. He likes cars and group games. He wants me to send him lots of photos, stickers, writing tablets and pictures from magazines. How sweet is that? I will be Pedro's sponsor until he graduates from high school. I have committed to write letters, provide financial relief and encourage him for the next four years. Pedro you are one lucky little guy! You are going to be so spoiled!

forgetting how old I am...

VanHalen ticket stub, canon digital rebel xti

Are there things that you do in life that reminds you of your youth (80s music, reruns of the love boat)? I have been having a lot of flashbacks about events in my life lately.
A friend of mine asked me to go to the VanHalen concert the other night, and I accepted. I was like is it Sammy or David Lee? I was a Sammy fan people but unfortunately if I wanted to see Eddie, I was going to have to tolerate Mr. Roth. All the songs reminded me of high school parties and cruising around with my friends and ex-boyfriends. Do you remember the Jump video? And I used to think that was the coolest video ever on mtv.
Well let me tell you, David Lee Roth has had some serious plastic surgery even to his chest (I swear). He is still full of himself, parades around the stage, still foul and acting as if he still is the chick magnet of the century. Personally, I was grossed out but it was very entertaining. It also made me forget how old I was for two hours and reminded me of a time when I never worried about my health :-). As you can see from the ticket stub, no cameras were allowed so the best I could do was take a lame picture of the stub. I wish I would have had my high powered zoom lens so you could see the fake chest!

Panama!

back from baja...

me at the shrimp stand Ensenada, Mexico, canon digital rebel xti

beach scene, La Mision, Mexico, canon digital rebel xti

I am back from Mexico. I was able to shut everything off on this trip which was really good for me. I ate whatever I wanted, took a break from excercising, stayed up late, slept in and listened to the ocean everyday. Does it get any better?

It was fun to laugh and drink margaritas. I ended up getting sick the last day probably from the mexican shrimp cocktail I had from the street vendor in Ensenada. I knew better but it was soooo good. It's amazing how fresh food and the smell of the ocean mixed with sunshine can make you feel well.

Spring fever...

sweet bay magonolia bloom, canon digital rebel xti

I admit I have terrible spring fever. Everything is in bloom here in Columbus, Ohio despite the fact that it snowed yesterday morning! I am heading out of town tomorrow with some work girl pals to sunny San Diego and then off to La Mission, Mexico. I am looking forward to just relaxing on the beach for a few days... no workouts, no knitting, no work, no email, no nothing!

I don't have a sister so these trips are great for me. I will have three surrogate sisters for the trip. Sometimes you just need to cry, purge, and laugh until it hurts. I am sure I will be doing both.

two steps forward, three steps back...

Michael Angelo steps, Florence, Italy, canon digital rebel xti

I have been really struggling lately... I feel like just as I move forward something happens and I fall down the steps. I am battling excruciating headaches again and I fear my lumbar shunt is not working any longer. I hate to think about going under the knife yet again. I just want to scream. I keep telling myself this too shall pass but even I am doubting whether I will ever get this illness under control for the long haul. I feel that it has ruined my life in so many ways. I have already lost so much... friendships, being a mother, relationships, promotions, lack of focus, and a general withdraw from others.

Recently I was reading Susannah's blog and her latest post resonated with me. It is hard for me to be around "normal" people. It's hard for me to connect with them when they are healthy, happy, etc. I see people having babies or in a phenomenal relationship with lots of love and although I am happy for them, I am very sad for me.

I just need to pull it together and get past this latest set back. I wish I could be "normal" again. I wish someone could put me back together and that I could be the person I once was so long ago.

My obsessions...

a fraction of my cookbook collection, canon digital rebel xti

I haven't posted in awhile due to my latest obsession, working out. I am one of those personalities that does nothing half ass. When I make up my mind, I am all in if you know what I mean. I don't like working out but I am sick of being fat and sluggish so for now I will press on. I never knew how much time you really had to put in when you are trying to lose a mere two pounds a week. I work out for 60 minutes twice a week with a trainer and then I do 3 - 4 hours of cardio on my own (YUCK)! It leaves me little time for the other obsessive fibers of my life (photography, cooking, knitting, designing jewelry, sewing rad curtains, eating, reading blogs, etc).

I also find as I get older that I collect and hoard weird items. Growing up I hated the way my grandma decorated. She had every prized collection displayed proudly throughout her house. We are talking glass clowns, gone with the wind plates, sound of music plates, norman rockwell plates, red glass, fenton glass, pink glass, blue glass, etc. I swore I was never going to be a collector.

Although I do not have any collections displayed anywhere in my house I do have large quantities of the following stashed away:

Retro Pyrex (Every color and pattern that exists)
Retro Tupperware (Avocado green, orange, yellow, and brown)
Playing Cards
Collecting cookbooks (Vintage and new)

All of the above started out by inheriting from family members and then it grew from there. I find myself stopping at an occasional garage sale in the summer looking for the rare piece I may not have. Every once in awhile I get lucky and it makes my day :-)

on the rocks...

camden rocks, canon digital rebel xti

Recently one of my dear friends called for some advice. She is going through a rocky time. I suggested that she get a copy of "Streams in the Desert" by L.B. Cowman. It is a daily devotional book that gives you a little lift everyday. When I was really at my sickest not caring if I lived or died, my Aunt gave this book to me. It did help snap me back into reality and helped give me something to hang on to. So many times I read a passage and had an aha moment. It was if the message was meant for me and only me to read.

I encourage anyone who reads this blog to pick up a copy or give a copy to someone you know going through a difficult ordeal.

I will part with a favorite quote by Stansifer
Do not get discouraged - it may be the last key on the ring that opens the door.

Looking out...

caitlin, lake diane, michigan, canon digital rebel xti

I love this picture of my niece, Caitlin. I took it this past summer at the lake. I am really missing that place right now.
What I love about young children is they have no fear or concerns about what's in store for them. They definately live in the present. I am going to try to keep this image in my mind over the next week and strive to "Be Here Now".

Don't you just love the little baby fat in her legs :-)

21...

my obsessive collection of playing cards, canon digital rebel xti

That is how long I have gone without sleep in the past 24 hours. I have been pulling some late nights at work so we can get a rather large SAP system implemented. As I drove home at 2 AM last night, I saw several cars on the road and I wondered what are all these people doing up at this insane hour let alone driving somewhere. Are they headed home after a night of drinking, to work or to the grocery store since that is the only store actually open at that hour?

I finally pull in the driveway, drop my things in the house and expect Denver to come greet me but he doesn't. He is curled up with my husband in our king size bed on my pillow drooling(Yuck)! My mind is still racing so I decide to watch mindless TV, read blogs and flip through the latest issue of People magazine only to find out Pam Anderson is getting divorced again (why am I not surprised?)

I finally go upstairs to retire for a few hours of sleep and Denver plays dead and shuts down his breathing. I can't move him and he seems to have added deafness to his bag of tricks. Frustrated, I go to the guest room and settle in for the rest of the morning. I watch every minute tick by on the alarm clock until it is 7 AM and force myself back to work. All day I felt like the college student who pulled an all nighter and had way too much to drink.

In the midst of my bad hair and sleep deprived day, two things brought a big smile to my face. First was my friend and fellow blogger, Darlene's post about big hair. I am pretty sure I can top her but my scanner is broken so I can't prove it. I especially found her sister Denise's comment which references her likeness to Amy Grant hilarious. I too had that cassette tape and remember thinking Amy Grant was beautiful, hair and all.

And last but not least... I have a blog banner created by the wonderful and talented Susannah. Isn't it lovely?

the quilt...

grandmother hazel's foxy quilt, canon digital rebel xti

I have been quiet lately. I have been consumed with work and working out (both of which are way to time consuming). They are taking away from my knitting and my photography. I hired a personal trainer and he is kicking my butt and I am also whimpering around with lactic acid build up in every muscle group. It even hurts to type. I know I need to do this for me right now and I need to prove to myself that despite my illness I can get in shape and be as physically strong as I am mentally.

Lately, I have been feeling very nostalgic and found myself wrapping up in a quit made by my great grandmother. It has been in storage for the last several years but I needed to wrap myself in her love. In every quilt she made, she always incorporated part of her clothes into them. She usually cut up old dresses or aprons. I think she wanted us all to have a piece of her when we she was gone. I smile every time I see an old photo of her in some wild dress pattern only to be reminded of that same dress when I use the quilt. She actually gave me two quilts. One was partially destroyed by my first dog, Simon. He took a big bite out of the bottom corner. This past week, I pulled it out of storage too and dropped it off at a local quilt shop to be repaired.

My great grandmother Hazel was the type of woman that called sew, quilt, knit, crochet, and bake. I realize that back in the day you learned all of those skills out of necessity but I can only dream of having time to do all of my crafts (knitting, jewelry making, baking, photography, sewing and inventing).

lost dogs of pompeii...

black stray dog in pompeii, canon digital rebel xti

I always have all of these great ideas brewing in my head. My future yarn shop, my new knitting invention, creating a charity, writing a book, etc. I have wheels in motion on a few of the above but I guess it's my wish to do all of them.

One of the items I really want to pursue this year is saving all of the "lost dogs" of Pompeii in Italy. Yes, that's right I want to scoop up all of the abandoned dogs that are living in the hot sun with little shade at the mercy of tourists for food, water and attention.

Italians do not believe in euthanizing animals just because they have overstayed their welcome in the shelter. I am happy about that but that means that their shelters are packed full of dogs. Italians are abandoning their dogs in record numbers at major tourist destinations all over Italy since the shelters are not accepting any new intakes. If they are caught they will be fined but that does not seem to be stopping them. Don't get me wrong... Many Italians are dog lovers and have many pets but just like anywhere in the world there are irresponsible pet owners and people who shouldn't be allowed to have a dog.

It makes me sad, it makes me want to start a rescue mission to find good homes for all of those poor dogs that just need a chance and a little love.

family...

mom,dad,aunt lois, uncle ron, gretchan, bryan and I, canon digital rebel xti

When you battle an illness, you truly realize the importance of good friends and the unwavering support of your family. Many people have told me you look so good in this picture. I cringe to myself because I remember the day very vividly. We all went downtown to watch my cousin, Gret run the Columbus Marathon. She loves to run marathons which I find insane. I had the most excruciating headache, of course at the time I had no idea I had extremely high intercranial pressure in my brain from the over abundance of spinal fluid my body was making. I ask myself how the heck did I even get off the couch that day? I spent 500 straight days with an excruciating headache and was starting to lose my vision from it until I got a shunt put in my back.

I have come a long way from the day this picture was taken, however I still have bad days from the overall arching neurological condition I have. I wonder if I will ever be normal or if I will ever be able to have a child, etc. I truly try to live in the now and not dwell in the past or question why this happened to me. It's wasted energy and it's taken me several years to figure that out.

Everyone has some plight in their life whether they carry it silently or whether they share it with the ones they love. I have learned that kindness, genuine caring and support from family and friends are what really get you through the rough patches. My experience has also enabled me to connect with others on a whole different level.

little church in the country...

my childhood church, canon digital rebel xti

I am going home this weekend not only for my Dad's birthday but because it is Easter Sunday. For thirty five years, I have attended Easter sunrise service at the church my great, great grandfather founded, which also happens to be right down the road from where I grew up. As a kid I hated going to Easter service because you had to be there at 7 am. I wanted to sleep in and see what the Easter bunny brought:-)

This church has a lot of special memories for me. Many of the elders of the church have since passed but I still can remember all of those special gents and ladies. My grandparents also attended this church. Every Sunday I would sit with my Gramps and then go out to eat with him at the place of my choosing. I was very close to my Grandpa and I can't sit in this church without thinking of him when we sing one of his favorite hymns. It always brings tears to my eyes.

He was a big part of my upbringing. I saw him everyday for most of my life. Although he is no longer here... I think of him often and carry him in my heart always.

mon pere

My dad with Denver, canon digital rebel xti

My Dad turns 60 this weekend. It is so hard to believe. It seems like yesterday when he was my age (35). I love my dad. He can do anything. He can restore and refinish furniture, remodel a house, build something from scratch or just plain figure something out. He isn't afraid to try and I guess I got that talent from him. He loves landscaping and using his hands much like me. Growing up, he pushed me to be better and it drove me crazy then but now I appreciate it.

For instance, he never thought my track coach worked me hard enough during practice so he would make me run additional sprints at home. He would follow me with his truck and threaten to run over me :-) He also was at every meet or basketball game giving me advice and coaching me from the stands or from the corner. My Dad has always been there when I really needed him. Thanks Dad!

new sweater...

fair isle ivy league vest by Eunny Jang, Interweave Knits Magazine

knitted knapsack backpack, canon digital rebel xti

I am ready to embark on another knitted sweater. So far in the past year, I have knitted several scarfs, mittens, hats, bags, a backpack and two sweaters! They say knitting is the new yoga and I tend to agree. Knitting has been very therapeutic for me. I can forget about all my troubles and just get hypnotized by the clicking of my needles and the mantra of knit, purl in my head. I have decided to take on a challenging fair isle project and I need some spice in my knitting life. The above picture is of a knapsack backpack that I knitted while I was laid up with a ruptured achilles from all the steriods they injected into me for my neurological disorder. The only good thing to come of that injury was definately this backpack. I took this pack to Italy and everywhere I went someone had a nice compliment on the pack. I had several people offer to buy it. It was such a labor of love and very time intensive.

back to the gym...

caitlin, canon digital rebel xti

It's been four long years since I have seriously worked out due to my painful neuropathy. I tried to start back one year ago and ruptured my achilles which put me out of the gym for the past year yet again. I have gained 60 pounds in the last year. I keep asking myself how I got here... in this boat...

I am done being angry at myself, done with feeling sorry for myself and done making excuses about my illness stopping me from getting fit.

I also know that I have to deal with my emotional eating habits. I find myself eating for any reason/occassion. If I want to have a cute little girl someday, I better get busy in the gym. There is no way I would want to be pregnant at this weight! Time is running out in that arena as well. It sucks being 35!

caitlin makes the news

my niece caitlin, canon digital rebel xti

Before the big snowstorm hit this weekend, we actually had a nice day last week where the temperature reached 70. My niece was playing outside with a bubble maker and a reporter zoomed by and snapped this picture of her. She made the local paper and the amazing thing is she sat there long enough to be captured. Whenever I babysit for her she is constantly on the go and she never sits still for more than 30 seconds (and that ususally requires bribery with food).

blizzard in march?

our driveway early this morning, canon digital rebel xti

Yesterday we got an unexpected major snow storm. Where was this storm around Christmas when we really needed it? We had about 16" in the last 24 hours. The snow was so deep in places that our dog could barely make it through to find a spot to go to the bathroom. Poor Denver. We are at a level three snow emergency so we are stuck inside watching bad tv, eating and watching the ocassional movie.

under the tuscan sun

Street scene Cortona, Italia, canon digital rebel xti

A few months ago I had the pleasure of visiting Cortona, Italy. I took the most amazing pictures while I was there. In fact, four of the scenes I shot are going to be transferred to canvas and hung in my tuscan themed basement.

I was enamored with the narrow streets, the laundry hanging from lines between buildings, the architecture, the history and the food. I could definately buy a little villa there and spend several months out of the year.

freckles, red hair and spunk

Griffin at Lake Diane, MI, canon digital rebel xti

My little buddy Griffin is my nephew and you could say he is my "mini me". He not only has the freckles and the red hair but he also has that red-headed spunk that I have. I have seen him have several meltdowns and I chuckle to myself as I remember having those same feelings at his age. He has such a great spirit and he is so smart. He never forgets anything and he always makes me laugh. If I am lucky enough to have a child someday... I want one just like Griff

vote for denver

Bryan, Denver and my sweet nephew Griffin, canon digital rebel xti

I have been down with a horrible flu bug for the last three days. I haven't been this sick since my childhood. The problem with being sick as an adult is that your mom and dad aren't there to take care of you.

In happier news, Denver is in the Bissell Pet Photo contest. I am asking all of you to vote for him. You can vote by clicking here

where has time gone

Bryan and I, canon digital rebel xti

It's hard to believe that I have been married to this man for over ten years. When I met him over eleven years ago, I knew he was the love of my life. As time has gone by, I have felt more distant from him than in the first several years. I guess you take things for granted and life sometimes gets in the way. My illness certainly didn't help matters and it certainly didn't help that he was non empathetic and didn't know how to just be the way I needed him to. Through all the good times and bad, he is still my best friend. I wish I would have bottled up all the passion and excitement we had in the early days so I could use it now. Sometimes I find myself wishing we could meet all over again...

shoot into the sun - superhero photo challenge

Piazza del Campo, Siena, Italy shot directly in the sun, canon digital rebel xti

This weeks superhero photo challenge over at Shutter Sisters is shooting into the sun. I have never been one to shoot directly into the sun until this fall when frankly I was left with no choice. I spent 21 glorious days in Italy this fall. Out of all the wonderful places I visited in Italy, I fell in love with Tuscany. I wanted to pack up and move, buy a villa and run my own farm producing olive oil and red wine.

I was in awe of the Piazza del Campo, the main square in Siena. It was breathtaking. It was massive in scale and the colors were fantastic. Everyday I took pictures from all angles of the clock tower and square. It rained and poured the entire time I was in Siena. I was bummed. The best photo opportunities of a lifetime and my pictures looked scary and downright frightening. There were storm clouds luming in every picture I took of the square.

The early morning of our last day, we were packing the car and the sun suddenly appeared. I ran down to the square as fast as I could to take what I hoped to be the fabulous shot I had dreamt of. I arrived at the square only to discover I would be shooting into the sun since it was so early. I decided to just let go and shoot into the sun. Besides... It gives me an excuse to go back and get that perfect shot.

just be...

Denver the great outdoor dog


Sometimes I am jealous of my dog, Denver. He truly lives in the moment. He doesn't sit around during the day and wish things were different. Living with an illness is tough. There are many minutes of every day wasted on wishing I could go back in time or wishing that I would be miraculously healed. I grieve for all the things I have lost along the way and grieve the things that will not be accomplished in the future. I admit it I feel sorry for myself at times and the pain sucks me into a deep abyss. When I get into this funky "woe is me mood" I just have to let it out. I allow myself to cry for 10 minutes and then I throw myself into work, knitting or writing. I give myself a pep talk and hope that tomorrow will bring a ray of light.